I'm not shy I have Anxiety

Hey my lovelies ♥ (I feel like this greeting is becoming a thing, so I'm going to roll with it lol) 

The other evening I had a friend of my partners over for a few beers, and we engaged in a conversation about relationships. I've been with my partner for over 15 years and yes, like any couple we do have our ups and downs. However, over the last few years my anxiety has been through the roof, and most of the time I hide this from everyone including my partner, but that doesn't mean they don't know, I've told them all before but I still have to take this crap. 

So, we were talking about relationships and how we engage with each other when we're out, and I'm not going to lie this has got my back up because when we're out I'm quiet and often very reserved. I mean sure after a few glasses of alcohol I'll loosen up, and my confidence skyrockets. However, my partner is one of those to get on with everybody, he will disappear and talk to others, he will make new friends, and I'm often sitting alone in the corner with my drink in hand just observing everybody around me. What the heck has it got to do with anybody else? our relationship is for us only, I don't need to be told how to improve anything, that's our business, not yours. 

Now my partner's friend had the cheek to belittle me when he knows full well that I suffer anxiety, I've told him many times in the past, and he just totally disregarded my feelings by telling me I'm just too shy, and I should go around and act as my partner does. He also went on to say that I should be more confident, and get up and join in, I'm not anxious I'm just shy, maybe I should snap out of it then maybe all our problems would be solved. I felt so pissed off with this advice. It's as if he's blaming me for everything and sort of saying that I'm bringing my partner down by being so quiet all the time. I sat in silence, shocked by what he was saying. I got a little angry at this point, and I advised him that all our issues are not due to this, and it's in no way all my fault. My partner understands how I feel and has never said anything like this, well that's what I think anyway he could be talking about this behind my back, who knows, and if that's the case, the decent thing to do would be to tell me. 

I may be in the wrong for being so agitated by this, but it irritated me, I mean why should I change to please others, if I feel uncomfortable, why not just leave me alone for a few minutes until I feel comfortable enough to get involved. I've been called rude before by certain family in-laws because I have a bit of trouble opening up and acting like the life and soul of the room.  I'm not rude, I have anxiety and just because you're okay and you don't care what everyone else thinks, doesn't mean I am. 

If you've read some of my previous blog posts, then you will know that I do suffer from social anxiety, health anxiety the whole bloody lot, and it affects me every day. It's exhausting having to act happy all the time, Somedays I can't even get out of bed because of this, I think I do a pretty decent job I'm still performing all my mum duties, and I'm acting as normal as I can with day to day life.

So here's a big F***k you to all you anxiety shamers out there.

Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, nobody should make us feel worthless, and believe that we are the root of all problems in relationships. I get so frustrated with people thinking I'm just rude because I don't speak much, I talk when I'm comfortable enough to and I shouldn't have to justify myself to anybody, If you know I have anxiety, how about a little compassion, rather then judgment. arrrgggghhhhhh 😡😡

Gosh letting all that out has made me feel so much better, I think I'm in love with blogging lol 

So do you think he's right??? have I overreacted??? feel free to tell me if I'm wrong 

Comment below I'd love to hear your opinions. 

stay safe xoxo